I cannot find my cell phone charger and it is extremely annoying that it is lost. Perhaps I will have to wait until morning to find it. Tonight is the night. The star, the sheep herders, the astrologers, the lowly...it's all in this night. A whole season waiting for this night and for the breaking of a still more glorious dawn when Christ is born. I have to admit that this December has not been as outrightly advent-driven as in previous years. The surprise bonus of such a distance from this season is that I haven't felt drawn to the commercialism so derided (and yet so followed) nor felt the pressures of obligations that used to be much beloved traditions. In fact, the only thing that I feel has been retained of this season is the waiting itself. Perhaps, to be more specific, it is not just the waiting but something that is at work inside of the waiting. A certain tension. I'll call it, the tension between hope and expectation.
I remember way back in 2004 being in a homiletics class which required an advent sermon as one of the assignments. I'll be charitable and say that what I wrote was much closer to an advent lecture than anything sermonic. Still, I remember discovering something open-ended and elusive to this whole advent position of waiting. There is the tension between the openness and perpetualness of hope and the very concreteness and very particularity of expectation. Jesus doesn't come as we expect him to. (I concluded thusly before even a word of Derrida had crossed my path) We hope beyond the particularities and limitations of our own ideas of what a savior or a king would be. We hope out of humility, out of the feeling that our sight is feeble and our thoughts are short-sighted.
But why did I feel that my sight was feeble and my thought's short-sighted. Because of that very strange, terrifying, and wonderous thing known as particularity. I cannot but hope from out of the feeble and short-sighted peculiarity and particularity of my own body, mind, and very peculiar self. The openness of hope is not without the determination of such particularity and peculiarity. And isn't it that strange, terrifying, and wonderous think known as the incarnation that we celebrate at advent? Isn't it the strangeness God made flesh that captures our imagination and also our fears. Our fears that what we hope for will, in fact, be what we expect; that our short-sightedness will get the better of us and we'll miss the messiah entirely. This is what I fear about this season. Will the waiting be in vain? Will I wait expectantly and call it hope?
I have been blessed to have read some truly wonderful reflections on advent from a friend and the friend of a friend; reflections that have spurred my thinking in directions previously occupied by the obligations that graduate study bestows at this time of year. Advent isn't advent so much as it is paper-writing season (or application finishing season). This isn't true of course; just because I'm preoccupied with the productive dialectic of Ideology and Utopia as it pertains to John Winthrop's "A Modell of Christian Charitie" doesn't mean that waiting is not the posture I should take. Advent doesn't go away; the monster or the messiah trekking towards Bethlehem is not stopping. That baby is coming and there's no stopping it.
I have been thinking, as of late, about typography. Typography, that old Christian practice of reading the stories of scripture and the tradition into the present, can be a dangerous enterprise (see: American and Muslim Fundamentalisms or Manifest Destiny/National Covenant). Still, keeping such dangers in mind, might there be a way to read the seasons of the Christian year into one's life. Might there be a way that I can view my life as a particular season requiring a particular "posture?" Might we think about time, not as a succession of days, but as something much more fluid and fluctuating?
I'll take as my example this season, the season of Advent. The posture one assumes during advent is, as has been mentioned above, one of waiting. Inherent to this posture is the tension between the particular and the open-ended, the ever-new; the tension between hope and expectation. Yet, what if this season and its posture extended beyond the winter? What if I experienced Advent during the summer, in the middle of ordinary time? Anyone who's gone through the application process for college or grad school knows that the most anxious waiting takes place in late February and on into the Spring and certainly not in December. Advent's status as a marker of a certain time, as a season, becomes exaggerated here. One's life is marked by a season of waiting, of being held within the tension of the openness of hope and the particularity and peculiarity of expectation, of a time that cannot simply be marked by dates on a calendar.
For a while now I have felt that my life has been one of Advent-ish waiting. The particular has presented itself but it does not satisfy the openness of hope, of desire. Perhaps that is what is most particular to hope itself, its inability to be exhausted or satisfied. I await, sometimes patiently sometimes rather impatiently, the coming of a particular fulfillment to a particular need, whatever the need might be. I also await something more. Something open and endless, something that gives itself in such a way that the adventure of exploring it in its fullness will never cease.
Yet, waiting is not all there is. There are seasons of simplicity and repentance that extend far beyond the limits of Lent. There are epiphanies that are experienced every day regardless of the time. There are whole years that feel so ordinary that they seem like they will never end. Still, this season is the season of waiting. Maybe next season will also be a season of waiting. I pray our postures will be appropriate to whatever season it is.
Merry Christmas all.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Saturday, December 19, 2009
The Blogtastic Voyage Pt. 1
First of all, not writing for about 2-3 months has to qualify as a Homeric fail (Karl? Jon? What's the criterion for the scale? I know it's at least at level Wagner...). Still, one gets busy with reading or conversing or playing way too much wii baseball that your neck hurts in the morning and all of a sudden its been two months. To be honest, I've attempted to follow up at least a half dozen times and every attempt, as has certainly been observed, was scrapped. I figured that no one really wants to hear me rambling on from the depths of the vertiginous Derridean stew which owned me this semester (seriously, I'm done with Derrida until late January...I promise).
So what now? Well, if history is to be believed, then we have the infamous year end list to throw down. That said, I want to mix things up a bit this year. This year was kinda funny when it comes to best albums and songs. I feel like this was the year that we became so vastly aware that there is some kind of culture machine which operates with or without our participation that we started jokingly referencing it. Perhaps this was already happening and this year was just the tipping point or perhaps I've been stuck beneath too many books to notice until now but it appears that something has changed. I remember looking at a blog post about The Dirty Projectors' "Bitte Orca" before it was even out asking "Is Bitte Orca the best album of 2009?" Before it was out! I thought this was completely absurd until I began to think about what records I knew would be coming out and how they would on a year end list somehow. Was I surprised by any of them? Maybe by one or two but that's mostly with the lesser knowns who came up big. Still, major talent's owned this year even if they come from within that weird incestuous narcissistic world known as the indie-rock-blog-community. But mixing it up is the name of the game so let's begin.
First off...Albums 2009.
Now, there are several ways to go about such a list as this. I could make a favorites list or a "best" list or a most played list or a most influential/important list to name a few. I think that I'm gonna go with a little bit of all of them because, let's face it, who wants to admit that their favorite album kinda sucks. I truly believe that deep down we all love excellent things, we just sometimes don't know what those excellent things are. I also believe that my limitations prevent me from ever being certain that my choices about culture are ones that exhibit excellence, but I hope that they do. Having said that, here we go...
The Champion's League:
Curse Your Branches--David Bazan. I love love love this album. I love how it's a record in a very literal sense. A record of the man's struggles, of his doubts, and of his hope. It the second best thing he's done since Control and it shows a master craftsman at work. I'm not putting up numbers on this list but, if I were, this record would be the undisputed number one. I've rarely been as inspired as I was listening to the master.
Veckatimest--Grizzly Bear. I somehow knew that this record was gonna be great when I saw them play "Two Weeks" on Conan back when he was still in NYC. I've not been a believer in these guys until I saw that performance and then heard this album. It's got such a great sound (has anyone else, since MBV, done so many things with reverb and done it this well?) and is such a carefully pieced together work. I thought I'd get bored with it but it keeps coming back. If it rains outside I usually turn to Kid A or Bon Iver but now, now I've got a new rainy day record.
Middle Cyclone--Neko Case. "This Tornado Loves You" is one of the most brilliant pieces of wordplay I've ever heard and turns out to be a fantastic song too. Neko swallowed a cannon somewhere and she showcases her booming voice here with poise and precision. When the songs need to soar they do, when they need to be intimate they are. Nobody sounds like her and this record certainly makes us aware of that fact.
Merriweather Post Pavilion--Animal Collective. If AmCo makes records this good all the time then I don't care if they are a band "created by/for/in/because of the internet." I don't care if they are the poster children for the Williamsburg scapegoating that has gained sway. "My Girls" is a brilliant pop song. So is "Summertime Clothes". The album as a whole finds a way to make electronic samples sound warm and inviting rather than isolating and digitized. Maybe it's because they don't abuse autotune...
The Hazards of Love--The Decemberists This is the record they had to make. It's not as poppy as The Crane Wife but it picks up where that album took off and explores even more epic territory. Colin Meloy tells a weird but ultimately compelling story full of great performances (My Brightest Diamond brings it home like no other and the organist goes full on Yes/Styx). This is an album for Lit nerds by Lit nerds. I didn't like it at first but my friend Jon made me play it so much when we rode around the Hub that it grew on me.
The New-ish Ones
Young artists came up big this year and artists who were on the verge of excellence moved even closer. I'll mention these with a bit more brevity.
Manners--Passion Pit. I never thought I'd really be into dance music just like I never thought that I'd enjoy dancing and then somehow both become true. I can't help but love these songs. They remind me of sweaty summer nights in Boston forgetting that I had French to study.
The First Days of Spring--Noah and the Whale. I don't like his guitar tone. That is basically all I can say about this record that I don't like. It's a complete piece and one that I think is best experienced sitting down and listening to it the whole way through. I think we need to get back to just sitting around and listening to albums as a whole...and doing nothing but listening...who's with me?
Wolfgang Ammadeus Phoenix--Phoenix Maybe the best pure pop music I've heard this decade. Another record from the summer that was constantly playing and thoroughly loved.
Oh My God, Charlie Darwin--The Low Anthem. The title track is worth it. Its so beautiful and so sad. The rest of the record is great and a bit more uplifting without getting too saccharine.
Mama, I'm Swollen--Cursive Man did I sweat this record when it first came out. I still do because Tim Kasher knows how to throw down and the band sounds so great even though they don't have a cellist any more.
Biggest Surprise: Axe to Fall--Converge. I'm not really a metal guy nor do I fully appreciate Converge's monolithic "Jane Doe" as much as one mr. Chase Macri but I really like this record. The guitars sound so good and the songs offer a lot more textures than the other metal record I enjoyed this year (ABR's Constellations).
Biggest Disappointment: The Most Serene Republic and Headlights. They put out two of my favorite albums of 2007 and then completely let me down with their latest. Both are snooze-tastic.
Why Didn't I Have This Record Yet 2009 Edition: It seems like every year I have one or two albums from years past which I'm shocked I didn't listen to and obsess over already. In 2007 it was Minus the Bear's "They Make Beer Commercials Like This In Heaven", 2008 was "Boys and Girls in America" by The Hold Steady and "Z" by My Morning Jacket. This year it's "In The Aeroplane Over The Sea" by Neutral Milk Hotel. Seriously, how did I miss it? Its so so so good.
I need to go practice guitar more record: Animals--This Town Needs Guns, Antidotes--Foals. So I got interested in some math rock-y stuff this year and now I need to go practice super-compressed single-coil finger tapping....le sigh...
Book You Really Need to Read: Home--Marilynne Robinson. She's brilliant and wrote my favorite book of all time (Gilead) and does it again with this book. It will make you want to be more graceful and forgiving.
I don't have film recommendations because I didn't see any that made me really excited to get on DVD besides not seeing many. But I will say this...if you ever get the chance to see Pulp Fiction on the big screen, DO IT! So worth it...great movie and a great experience seeing it in a theater.
Well, that's all I got for this part. Stay tuned...in three months I might post pt. 2...
So what now? Well, if history is to be believed, then we have the infamous year end list to throw down. That said, I want to mix things up a bit this year. This year was kinda funny when it comes to best albums and songs. I feel like this was the year that we became so vastly aware that there is some kind of culture machine which operates with or without our participation that we started jokingly referencing it. Perhaps this was already happening and this year was just the tipping point or perhaps I've been stuck beneath too many books to notice until now but it appears that something has changed. I remember looking at a blog post about The Dirty Projectors' "Bitte Orca" before it was even out asking "Is Bitte Orca the best album of 2009?" Before it was out! I thought this was completely absurd until I began to think about what records I knew would be coming out and how they would on a year end list somehow. Was I surprised by any of them? Maybe by one or two but that's mostly with the lesser knowns who came up big. Still, major talent's owned this year even if they come from within that weird incestuous narcissistic world known as the indie-rock-blog-community. But mixing it up is the name of the game so let's begin.
First off...Albums 2009.
Now, there are several ways to go about such a list as this. I could make a favorites list or a "best" list or a most played list or a most influential/important list to name a few. I think that I'm gonna go with a little bit of all of them because, let's face it, who wants to admit that their favorite album kinda sucks. I truly believe that deep down we all love excellent things, we just sometimes don't know what those excellent things are. I also believe that my limitations prevent me from ever being certain that my choices about culture are ones that exhibit excellence, but I hope that they do. Having said that, here we go...
The Champion's League:
Curse Your Branches--David Bazan. I love love love this album. I love how it's a record in a very literal sense. A record of the man's struggles, of his doubts, and of his hope. It the second best thing he's done since Control and it shows a master craftsman at work. I'm not putting up numbers on this list but, if I were, this record would be the undisputed number one. I've rarely been as inspired as I was listening to the master.
Veckatimest--Grizzly Bear. I somehow knew that this record was gonna be great when I saw them play "Two Weeks" on Conan back when he was still in NYC. I've not been a believer in these guys until I saw that performance and then heard this album. It's got such a great sound (has anyone else, since MBV, done so many things with reverb and done it this well?) and is such a carefully pieced together work. I thought I'd get bored with it but it keeps coming back. If it rains outside I usually turn to Kid A or Bon Iver but now, now I've got a new rainy day record.
Middle Cyclone--Neko Case. "This Tornado Loves You" is one of the most brilliant pieces of wordplay I've ever heard and turns out to be a fantastic song too. Neko swallowed a cannon somewhere and she showcases her booming voice here with poise and precision. When the songs need to soar they do, when they need to be intimate they are. Nobody sounds like her and this record certainly makes us aware of that fact.
Merriweather Post Pavilion--Animal Collective. If AmCo makes records this good all the time then I don't care if they are a band "created by/for/in/because of the internet." I don't care if they are the poster children for the Williamsburg scapegoating that has gained sway. "My Girls" is a brilliant pop song. So is "Summertime Clothes". The album as a whole finds a way to make electronic samples sound warm and inviting rather than isolating and digitized. Maybe it's because they don't abuse autotune...
The Hazards of Love--The Decemberists This is the record they had to make. It's not as poppy as The Crane Wife but it picks up where that album took off and explores even more epic territory. Colin Meloy tells a weird but ultimately compelling story full of great performances (My Brightest Diamond brings it home like no other and the organist goes full on Yes/Styx). This is an album for Lit nerds by Lit nerds. I didn't like it at first but my friend Jon made me play it so much when we rode around the Hub that it grew on me.
The New-ish Ones
Young artists came up big this year and artists who were on the verge of excellence moved even closer. I'll mention these with a bit more brevity.
Manners--Passion Pit. I never thought I'd really be into dance music just like I never thought that I'd enjoy dancing and then somehow both become true. I can't help but love these songs. They remind me of sweaty summer nights in Boston forgetting that I had French to study.
The First Days of Spring--Noah and the Whale. I don't like his guitar tone. That is basically all I can say about this record that I don't like. It's a complete piece and one that I think is best experienced sitting down and listening to it the whole way through. I think we need to get back to just sitting around and listening to albums as a whole...and doing nothing but listening...who's with me?
Wolfgang Ammadeus Phoenix--Phoenix Maybe the best pure pop music I've heard this decade. Another record from the summer that was constantly playing and thoroughly loved.
Oh My God, Charlie Darwin--The Low Anthem. The title track is worth it. Its so beautiful and so sad. The rest of the record is great and a bit more uplifting without getting too saccharine.
Mama, I'm Swollen--Cursive Man did I sweat this record when it first came out. I still do because Tim Kasher knows how to throw down and the band sounds so great even though they don't have a cellist any more.
Biggest Surprise: Axe to Fall--Converge. I'm not really a metal guy nor do I fully appreciate Converge's monolithic "Jane Doe" as much as one mr. Chase Macri but I really like this record. The guitars sound so good and the songs offer a lot more textures than the other metal record I enjoyed this year (ABR's Constellations).
Biggest Disappointment: The Most Serene Republic and Headlights. They put out two of my favorite albums of 2007 and then completely let me down with their latest. Both are snooze-tastic.
Why Didn't I Have This Record Yet 2009 Edition: It seems like every year I have one or two albums from years past which I'm shocked I didn't listen to and obsess over already. In 2007 it was Minus the Bear's "They Make Beer Commercials Like This In Heaven", 2008 was "Boys and Girls in America" by The Hold Steady and "Z" by My Morning Jacket. This year it's "In The Aeroplane Over The Sea" by Neutral Milk Hotel. Seriously, how did I miss it? Its so so so good.
I need to go practice guitar more record: Animals--This Town Needs Guns, Antidotes--Foals. So I got interested in some math rock-y stuff this year and now I need to go practice super-compressed single-coil finger tapping....le sigh...
Book You Really Need to Read: Home--Marilynne Robinson. She's brilliant and wrote my favorite book of all time (Gilead) and does it again with this book. It will make you want to be more graceful and forgiving.
I don't have film recommendations because I didn't see any that made me really excited to get on DVD besides not seeing many. But I will say this...if you ever get the chance to see Pulp Fiction on the big screen, DO IT! So worth it...great movie and a great experience seeing it in a theater.
Well, that's all I got for this part. Stay tuned...in three months I might post pt. 2...
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