This Picture Looks Dusty

Lent is here. I never participated in Lent when I was growing up largely because the church I attended didn't practice the Christian year. There were three holidays that we celebrated with vigor: Christmas, Easter, and the 4th of July. So sacred time is still a relatively new idea for me. I started out with Lent around my freshman year of college (Spring 2003...man that seems so long ago) and gave up soda for a while. It was easy-ish and was combined with learning about the Christian year, sacred time, and all that those things entail. Now, however, my perspective is different.

My life, and I would venture to say that most lives, consist of patterns of behavior that were started, intentionally or as a reaction to something, and now seem beyond immediate control. What I mean is something like this: you did not naturally start brushing your teeth. You were taught and now it is a habit that is not immediately under your control...you probably don't constantly think "oh man, i need to brush my teeth in 5 hours" although I wouldn't put it past some people...it is a part of the pattern of your life. But this Lent, I'm stepping back from that pattern and trying to look at what constitutes how I spend my time, how time spent places value on activities and objects, and how this pattern of my life is a part of other patterns. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel like the pattern of my life is not as intentional as I have thought it to be and that it is crucial for me to examine what is going on in order to assess where meaning is to be found.

Automatically, my philosopher's ears cringe at the thought of solipsism, that is, of being all wrapped up in oneself. But self-assessment is not entirely about being wrapped up in oneself or being focused on the self before others. Self-awareness can be the result of the collision of egos, of the experience of other people, of other things, of different places, of patterns changing. All of these things are beyond control and tend to happen beyond any intention for them to happen. Being a shy man, I tend not to assert myself into conversations with people which explains my ineptitude at small talk. But conversations happen to me.

This gets to a bigger phenomenon I've noticed. Patterns of life that are interrupted beyond the intention to be can involve a kind of giving over of the self to new ways of living or behaving or even pattern making. In other words, when we interact with things that are different, truly and remarkably different, they can change our patterns of living. I am one who believes that the truly and remarkably different is to be found all over---but I am distracted. I am distracted by the larger pattern of goods and services that attempts to assess the amount of meaning my life can have and tries to fit me into it's pattern. However, this is not necessarily the best way to live. A lack of self-reflection leaves me blind to the patterns that I have unintentionally given myself over to or have imposed themselves gently on my life. This should not be.

So this Lent, this season of reflection, I'm attempting to look at the pattern of my life and see just what is driving it. What guides my movements, what blinds me to the remarkable and extraordinary that surrounds me, what demands me to value some things and services over others? These are the questions I'm asking, difficult as they might be.

One more thing. You should check out The Story of Stuff to get a decent view of what I would call the larger pattern of goods and services. It's a fun, simple little video.